redemption

its never easy to bear the cold-pale truth, knowing urself forgotten deleted by someone who u adore so much. we used to spending time together, share the same thought, laughing about everything, and i believe we had same interest in many things. god, i really admire her. i always have.

they said, everything is more painful when u losing it. and now i'm in that loss. sure now i realize that i'm the one who responsible for all of this. it's all my fault, i'm being ignorance. and maybe she just tired with my poor sensitivity.

i'm not as mature as she did, and she gave me a dear lesson, a hurtful one. she made a choice, that i have to accept. even it's difficult for me to swallow it. she's just the best i ever almost had. 

i haven't heard a thing she said, in at least a couple hundred days. its just unfair to quit like that. she gave up her feelings without saying anything. i'm tired to covered this feelings with this so-called friendship bullshit thing. 

i will redeem my stupidity. i'm gonna get her back, because i'm having a pretty damn-good time with her.

Five years time

I might not know you 

Five years time 

We might not speak 

Oh In five years time 

We might not get along  

In five years time 

You might just prove me wrong

-noah and the whale

dream.

mimpi. gw rasa semua orang mempunyainya. atau mungkin lebih tepatnya pernah berharap mewujudkan angan-angan kosong yang seringnya biasanya berujung pada kekecewaan. too much expectations fo sure. yeah, story of my life. lol.

aanyway, rasanya gw belom pernah nulis 'mimpi' gw disini. n i think its soooo wrong to keep your dream only for yourself.  so, here's some imaginations that i want to do/have while im gettin older.

and here it is, keinginan gw saat ini yang bener-bener dari hati. :p hidup dan tinggal di daerah yang jauh dari keramaian. jauh dari kebisingan kota. menghabiskan sisa hidup gw dengan membesarkan keluarga yang mencintai dan sayang sama gw. 

and for a living, gw lebih memilih beternak & bertani & makan dari hasil kebun gw sendiri. ketika pagi gw buka pintu, ladang yang kuning uda siap untuk dipanen. gw senyum, cium kening sang istri, & lari menuju ladang berlomba sama dua anak laki-laki sehat yang usianya beda 2 taun doang. sementara dari dalem rumah, istri & 2 anak perempuan gw melambaikan tangan sambil tersenyum bahagia. 

Setiap malem, kita sekeluarga makan di meja makan berbentuk bundar dan saling bertukar cerita, menghangatkan suasana, dan memberi pelajaran tentang arti keluarga yang sebenernya. in the end, sesaat sebelum tidur, gw ceritain dongeng sebelum tidur sama 4 anak gw. setiap hari, sampai usia mereka cukup dewasa. dan setelah itu gw balik ke kamar, cium kening istri gw lagi, dan sebelum tidur gw bakal bilang, trima kasih, karena telah menjadi bagian dari hidup yang sederhana ini. i lov u & always will be.

sheepwalking on sunday morning

amen..